St JUDAS-ISCARIOT

Patron Saint of Betrayal

Not a saint. Most definitely not a saint. We include him in our saints list purely as a speculative exercise in revisionist theological hagiography.

This act led directly to Christ's arrest, crucifixion, death and resurrection. In other words, to the exact events which Christians believe Jesus appeared on Earth to fulfill.

For his part in helping to carry out God's divine plan, Judas was paid thirty pieces of silver. Further rewards included a horrid death and universal castigation. He also never became a Saint.

The Gospel of Judas — a Gnostic document from the suppressed New Testament Apocrypha — puts a positive spin on his life and work, although those old Gnostic docs generally bear little relation to Christianity — or indeed anything else not steeped in the wibbliest mysticism.

As for Judas, we offer the following line as his final epitaph: "God told me to do it and that's all the thanks I get!"