MARS

MARS: God of War and Unquenchable Energy. Also has chocolate bars named after him.

When the Romans re-vamped the Greek Gods to fit in with their Planet Suite, ARES was upgraded to MARS. The bully boy was given a beard to impart greater dignity and his image was endowed with a more user-friendly identity.

He now became the father of ROMULUS and REMUS via a vestal virgin named RHEA-SILVIA. This led to a most important historical act — the founding of Rome.

So if it wasn't for MARS the God of War, there would be no Roman Empire, no Roman Catholics, and, er, no articles like this.

All that Roman culture did not go to his head. He was still a lusty God of War; just a little more gregarious and willing to patronise farmers and horticulture. You can't beat a bit of cultivation after a good battle. Mustn't let all that bone meal go to waste.