TUONELA

TUONELA: The Finnish Underworld.

This is the rest home of the dead, managed by TUONI and TUONETAR with the assistance of KALMA and a team of hand-picked spirits.

It's run like a very boring retirement home for those who've led very boring lives and are now content with a very boring death. The spacious grounds contain a protective river patrolled by SURMA for your added security — and luxury accommodation is always available.

Each room has scenic views of the spot where LEMMINKAINEN's remains were fished out of the water, and the nightly cabaret kicks off with Tuonelan Joutsen, the Swan of the Dead, singing a mournful dirge for your entertainment.

The proprietors claim that TUONELA is not an Underworld. The only complaint they have ever received is that the welcoming hospitality is sometimes a little too generous.

So when planning your final vacation, consider TUONELA. A pleasant restful stay is guaranteed, and there's no need to book in advance.