ARTEMIS

ARTEMIS: Wild Goddess of Hunting, Animal Liberation, Feistiness and Feminism.

She was the result of a wild fling by ZEUS with a lovely lady called LETO. He was married to HERA at the time, and not wanting his wanton ways to reach her jealous ears, changed himself and LETO into quails. Gods can do that sort of thing. Especially randy ZEUS, who must have experienced sex in the guise of almost every animal at some time or another.

So ZEUS laid LETO, and LETO laid ARTEMIS — and it must have been a double yolker as APOLLO was born at the same time.

Maybe it was the thought of having a sex-mad quail dad that put ARTEMIS off men. When she grew up, she ran off into the wild and took to hunting with a band of women's liberation NYMPHS (particularly the DRYADS) such as CALLISTO, who joined her with vows of chastity.

Despite the hunting, ARTEMIS cares deeply for animals. But she has little respect for human males. When a prowling peeper called Acteon caught sight of her bathing naked in a pool, she hounded him to death with his own hounds. Then the Great Hunter ORION (who was up to much the same thing) got belted into oblivion with the aid of a large scorpion. We are not sure how, as eyewitnesses are understandably reluctant to come forward.

There are many 'hunting accidents' when the name ARTEMIS crops up. But who wants to point the finger? It would probably be chopped off. But she wasn't a complete man-hater, as her efforts on behalf of HIPPOLYTUS show.

Her temple at Ephesus contained a statue of a female who, it seems, had undergone breast implants on a multiple scale. She was festooned with them. For a Goddess so keen on keeping her nakedness private, that could just be someone's idea of a joke.

But in fact the busty statue was actually CYBELE, a Goddess known for having lashings of lust (and bloodlust). It must be a feminist thing. Worshippers of ARTEMIS revelled in their womanhood in all its forms. And they still do.

In due course the Romans came and revitalised ritualistic religion. They changed the name of ARTEMIS to DIANA and her public relations were much improved. Now she is top Goddess of the feminist movement — and by far the most requested deity at Godchecker.com. She's also an inspiration to animal rights activists, as long as quails aren't involved.