CYBELE

Also known as KYBELE

Mother Goddess of Mountains and Wild Animals

Originating in the wild heady mountains of ancient Asia Minor, she's yet another improper offspring of ZEUS, and has more than a passing resemblance to ARTEMIS in the Wild Amazonian Goddesses department. Membership readily available. Join now with baptism in bull's blood.

Driven mad with frustration, he married a nymph named Sagaritus. CYBELE promptly killed her which made poor Attis even more demented and he castrated himself to death.

CYBELE was very sorry about this and turned him into a pine tree. We are sure there is some incredible Phrygian epigram about pining and dead pine needles, but sometimes ignorance is bliss.

Now there was a famous temple at Ephesus containing a female statue covered in multiple breasts. This is usually attributed to ARTEMIS. But sometimes the flimsiest evidence is claimed as fact and we feel the statue is more in keeping with CYBELE — as, according to close research by Desmond Morris, they are not tits but testicles, worn as some sort of trophy.