BABA-YAGA: Slavering Slav spirit of death
This hideous hag lives in a house built of human bones. Her home security is guaranteed to scare anyone away — the bone fence surrounding it contains inset skulls whose eye sockets light up in the dark. And it is a mobile home — it runs around supported on gigantic chicken legs.
If this doesn’t make you chicken out, Baba-Yaga’s own eyes turn humans to stone, and her mighty mouth has knives for teeth. She can also pole herself around in a giant pestle and mortar, which she uses to grind up and unpetrify her victims. Coming soon to a forest near you.
Godchecker rating: Pure terror.
Death Down Under
NAMORODO: Australian flesh-creeping frighteners
Never mind the Bunyip or the Killer Kangaroo. The NAMORODO are among the worst monsters Australia can offer. They are frightful flesh-creeping fiends composed of decomposing skin and bone, shreds and sinews.
The wind moans through them as they fly at night, waiting to pounce on you and suck your insides out. If they catch you, they’ll turn you into one of them. What a horrible prospect. There is no defence except to leave Australia before the sun goes down.
Godchecker rating: Vampires are cuddly in comparison.
KAKAMORA: Horrible halflings with hideous habits
These are legendary Oceanic creatures a couple of feet high. The KAKAMORA have often been described as hobbit-like, but it’s a little hard to imagine dear old Bilbo Baggins attempting to rip people to shreds with his long sharp fingernails. And he would surely never devour his wonderful friends Sam, Pippin and Merry. Gandalf the wizard would definitely have a thing or two to say about that.
Unlike the simple Shire folk of Tolkien’s novels, the KAKAMORA tend to hide in caves and prey on stray children and travelers. They can be kept at bay by waving something pale. Far from being a token of surrender, white terrifies them. Therefore, when passing through the region, be sure your laundry is clean and fresh.
Godchecker rating: More scary than Gollum.
AJATAR: The devil of the woods
She is an evil spiritess who haunts the woods. The mother of the Devil in dragon form, she suckles snakes and raises serpents.
Beware of her presence — if you so much as glance upon her form you will succumb to a multitude of diseases. Her pox-ridden pestilential body is host to a myriad of infections.
As an aid to identification, please refer to our artist’s impression. We suggest you do not look too closely, just to be on the safe side.
Godchecker rating: Still ill.
KALMA: Smelly Spirit of Death
She is the pungent demi-goddess of rotting flesh and decay. Extraordinarily odiferous, she wafts about on a whiff.
Godchecker rating: Nose-meltingly awful.
OVDA: Naked cannibal monster
Don’t go into the woods on your own. If you’re a woman, and a naked man advances towards you with his feet pointing backwards, you have no chance. It’s him! If you’re a man, it will be a naked woman likewise. You will be danced or tickled to death. And then eaten. If you go as a pair it may confuse him, but we can’t vouch for it.
Godchecker rating: Do not go down to the woods today.
KAPPA: Blood-sucking nasties
These slimy demons will lure you into the river and suck your blood. You are unlikely to get out alive.
You will recognise a KAPPA from the bowl-like depression on top of its head. When filled with water, this is what gives the creature its power.
KAPPA are, however, extremely polite. So here is what you do. Bow courteously in the approved Japanese fashion. Naturally it will have to bow back and the water will tip out. The creature is then powerless until the water can be replenished.
That is not all. The KAPPA are crazy about cucumbers. They prefer cucumbers to blood. Bribe them with a cucumber and they will promise you almost anything.
Godchecker rating: It pays to be polite to strangers. And carry salad.
AH PUCH: Hellish Underworld God
He rules Level 9 of the Mayan Underworld — the deepest and nastiest bits of a hellish hell.
AH PUCH likes to surface at night and skulk around in scary mode: a putrefying corpse with an owl’s head. What he does when he homes in on a victim is worse than you need to imagine.
There is only one way to escape his attention. Howl, shriek, moan and scream. Give it your best shot. Sound utterly convincing. AH PUCH will assume you are already being dealt with by his lesser demons and will pass by with a grim smile.
Godchecker rating: Screamingly hideous.
PISHACHAS: Indian Cemetery demons
These are full of repulsive habits. They feast on all the leftovers from corpses, regarding smelly rotten bits as delicacies.
Mourners beware: They are not averse to having a go at living flesh. If you absolutely must visit a graveyard this Halloween (or any other time), keep both nose and mouth covered. And, at all costs, please avoid farting.
Godchecker rating: Would make good pets for zombies.
That’s all for this Halloween. Next time, we’ll be investigating the sinister secrets of Santa Claus. Don’t have nightmares.