MIN

Also known as MENU

God of Lettuce and Sex

This fertility God is a very popular phallic deity. He is mostly depicted as a stick man — with one of the sticks sticking out somewhat crudely. Taking part in a sexy threesome with QADESH and RESHEP, he has a plumed headdress and in his right hand he holds a whip. Best not to ask why.

You can try this for yourself. Lettuce is cheap and a few salad sandwiches may bring unexpected benefits. His name in Egyptian is 'Menu', so why not rustle up a few tantalizing lettuce dishes in his honor?

Lettuces also feature in the conflict between SET and HORUS. Fed up with the never-ending fights, RA ordered them to be at peace. Seemingly compliant, SET invited HORUS to stay with him for the weekend, but on the first night SET crept out of bed and attempted to sexually assault HORUS, who awoke just in time and managed to catch SET's discharge in his hand, whereupon he fled home to his mother crying 'Look what SET has done now!'

ISIS cried 'The filthy beast!', hacked off the sullied hand and threw it in the Nile. (She soon made him another one — replacement parts were her specialty).

She then planned revenge. She persuaded HORUS to self abuse himself into a jar, and sprinkled the contents over SET's favorite piece of garden. The Lettuce Patch. Every morning SET started off the day with a row of fresh lettuces, and he swallowed all the 'dew fresh' ones. When the story got out, how the Gods laughed — 'How's the pregnancy going SET?'

So always wash lettuces very carefully before consumption.